What am I willing to risk to draw closer to God?
When I first answered this question a couple of days ago, my first thought was one I quickly pushed to the back of my mind and I proceeded to write something generic, true but none the less, generic and without any real risk...Today, God has brought my original, "hidden", thought to the forefront. My thought?
"Would I, could I, risk Makoa?"
I pushed that thought back because I know the answer is "No." and it SHOULD be "Yes".
If I am serious about my Anything Prayer than ANYTHING means EVERYTHING --- even my son, my most precious treasure.
Today, Makoa is going to the beach with his cousin and Uncle while my husband and I are at work. Lately, I have had this irrational fear of Makoa drowning. I trust my brother to watch over Makoa, but he is not me. The risk is TRUSTING God to protect him while I am not there. The risk is TRUSTING God to give me the strength and grace to live through HIS will should my worst fear come to fruition. The risk is TRUSTING God with my son, my true treasure.
Forgive me for loving Makoa more than ANYTHING. I am sorry that I am afraid You love him more than I do. Forgive me for fearing you will take him away. Forgive me for praying for his safety so he can be here with me. Forgive me for putting him first in my heart --- YOU should be first.
I am scared, God, that should I say that I would risk my son to draw nearer to you, that you would take him.
Lord, You have blessed me to be Makoa's mama. I want to be the best, most humble, steward of your blessing. Rid me of this anxiety. Help me to place you first in my heart before Makoa. Help me to trust YOU with Makoa.
I know you love Makoa more than I do, that your plans for him are far better than ANYTHING I could ever do for him. Help me to give him to You.
Please Lord. In Jesus' name and for Your Glory. Amen