Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Living My Dream, Now What?!

As a kid, when people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I usually wanted to be a model like my Aunty.  Of course, that dream was discouraged by many "grown ups", I'm sure for my own protection against that harsh world.  As I got older, I pursued other options...broadcasting, film, etc.  But I've always known, even as a kid, that the one thing I REALLY wanted to be was a MOM.  I also knew that I didn't want to be a mom until I was ready, whatever that meant.  So "in the ME time", I found myself pursuing and discovering different accomplishments.  While I enjoyed and took pride in many of those pursuits, none of them left me completely fufilled.  Don't get me wrong, I don't ever recall feeling the pressure of the "ticking clock".  I always had Faith that my dream of becoming a mom would happen at the right time; so I never rushed or pursude it.  All in due time.

Now that I am living my dream, I look at our son in amazement, my life in awe and I am eternally grateful.  However, I find myself, in these "harsh economic times", (unfortunately, being a mom doesn't pay the bills), realizing that I have room, energy, and the need for more dreams. This realization has left me a little blank.  I never thought this would happen.  I guess I just assumed that I'd only have time for ONE true dream in my life.  While the prospect of pursuing more dreams can be exciting and invigorating, I find it quite daunting.  Sometimes I feel like I'm starting all over again, but without the guidance of high school counselors or the structure of college to point me in ANY direction.

So, for the past few months, I've made some changes in my life in order to light the proverbial fire.  And this is the journey I am currently on.  Considering the fact that I have always believed that its the journey and not the destination that brings the most enjoyment and fulfillment, I shouldn't be concerned that I currently have NO destination.  I have decided this year to push myself to face my fears and be open to new things, to be open to old things that have become new fears, to just put myself out there...

Part of this pursuit is to start and complete lists of projects and ideas.  To look for and actually apply for jobs, any job.  To participate in the community, in our church.  To let others get to know me and judge me before I assume their judgement of me.  To pursue a career in the graphic design field.  These are what I am currently working on and will be blogging about.  I need accountability friends, even if its the great unknown of the internet :)  This is me putting it on paper.  Taking the step to put the journey in motion...wish me luck!

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